it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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