What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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