K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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