and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
