She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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