i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
