I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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