yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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