you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
pop tarts are not kleenex
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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