I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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