You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
