my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
