Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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