You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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