Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
