Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
