My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
