Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
