my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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