I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we're making bets on your personal life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize