VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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