so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just want to make out with him forever
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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