I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
