Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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