I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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