Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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