I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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