what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
