dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
