Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
