doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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