what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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