so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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