We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize