idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
