so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
