Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize