Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
