Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
