I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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