I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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