we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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