While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
