If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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