nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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