I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
