Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize