i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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