I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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