I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
