It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
