sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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