this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I look better un-naked...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
