You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
