im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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