just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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