He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
