Three words: puerto rican gang bang
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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