Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I will pee on everything he values.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
