thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
