so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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