I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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