too bad you live with your parents still
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
