I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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