omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
