My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
