You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
