just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
