I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
