i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
