Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
