I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
