I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
