dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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