You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize