I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
