Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
