Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize