My room smells like vodka and shame
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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