You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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