i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
