The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
