I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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