By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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