dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
