I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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