fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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