oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
