I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
