Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize