Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
