I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
