So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
