If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize