Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
