my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
