Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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