What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
