ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
