You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
