Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Success! We fucked roommates!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
