I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
