He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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