This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
