You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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