yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
