dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
