dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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