I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize