i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
