what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
