i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
