i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
